Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
