I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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