i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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