I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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