Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
