Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
