I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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