I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
