Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
