So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize