Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
