I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
