theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
