just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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