i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
