if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
