Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
