yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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