Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
