hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
