i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
