Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
