I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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