but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
