oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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