So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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