I take back everything I said about communal showers
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
