please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
