my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
