I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
