dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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