Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
