Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
