Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
