I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We left an ass print on the piano.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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