No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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