Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
