I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
