Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
