You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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