Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
