you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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