Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
