I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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