I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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