i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
