I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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