I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He did a backflip because drugs
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