Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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