her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
