If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
