I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
