he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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