The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
