im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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