There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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