The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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