Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You need Xanax blowdarts
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
