I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
