Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
