Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
