U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
