yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
