All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
