Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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