yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
