there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
