i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
