Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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