you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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