so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm both gender and math confused
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
