she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
