just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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