I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
