Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
