I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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