Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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