please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
