somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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